When people dismiss concerns about diverse representation (the “best” examples in prominent media often still being less diverse than what should statistically be average) with language like “we’re not trying to cater to[a particular demographic]”, they’re revealing the fundamental truth that white heteronormative male-dominated stories are not something that “just happens”, they are not something that happens because “that’s how the story goes”, they are not the result of “hiring the best actors” or “giving the audience what they want”… or at least, not the whole audience.
The people who make these statements are in the business of serving up stories, and they make choices about what stories to serve and to whom they will be served.
They might not think about the fact that they’re catering to a select audience to begin with, but as soon as you propose that they shift their focus, this is the kind of language they find that best describes how they see such a shift.
“I start my mornings convincing myself to open the windows, and let the new air replace the old. To let myself fold the sheets and leave behind all the doubts from yesterday under a well made bed. A freshly brewed cup of coffee filling the spaces in between scents of who I am behind closed doors. This is what I leave behind. This is what I go home to.”—Keen Malasarte, My mother tells me to make my bed in order to be made as a person, and I think she’s doing me a favor. (via acupofkeen)
mainstream tumblr feminism may have many glaring faults but it has bred an army of teenage girls who understand the common ways that misogyny is reinforced in society and who know that they’re better off loving their fellow woman than fighting with her and that’s actually pretty damn revolutionary
^ this, tho… the message in these ridiculous dress codes remains “boys deserve an undistracted education, and you-GIRL-are a distraction… and your education comes second. You should be grateful, anyway… it’s really more than you deserve.” and i actually am not going to repeat how it reinforces rape culture because really, i’m just so damn tired of the messages we send young women about being nothing more than an accessory in a man’s life… fuck that. and fuck awful myopic dress codes… (via ginandbird)
“It is apparently impossible to discuss even the most commonplace sexism without being reminded that ‘not all men’ are like that. Which seems like a fairly poor response, given that those exceptions, however many they may be – even if they are the majority of men – have not yet managed to end the wage gap, institute equality in housework and caring duties, or prevent two women a week in the UK from being murdered by current or former partners. Not all men are patriarchy incarnate. Not enough men are actively trying to undo the harms of patriarchy for the exceptions to be any kind of riposte to the structural analysis of feminism.”—http://sarahditum.com/2014/05/26/not-all-misogynists/ (via sexandsocialism)
I just had a straight guy tell me “Gah I love lesbians” and before I could even say anything, he added, “because, ya know, they like the same thing I do and sometimes it’s nice to get advice from a girl instead of guys who think making love is just repeatedly putting your dick in something, ya know?” And I have never been more proud of the human race.
“These are forms of male aggression that only women see. But even when men are afforded a front seat to harassment, they don’t always have the correct vantage point for recognizing the subtlety of its operation. Four years before the murders, I was sitting in a bar in Washington, D.C. with a male friend. Another young woman was alone at the bar when an older man scooted next to her. He was aggressive, wasted, and sitting too close, but she smiled curtly at his ramblings and laughed softly at his jokes as she patiently downed her drink. ‘Why is she humoring him?’ my friend asked me. ‘You would never do that.’ I was too embarrassed to say: ‘Because he looks scary’ and ‘I do it all the time.’
Women who have experienced this can recognize that placating these men is a rational choice, a form of self-defense to protect against setting off an aggressor. But to male bystanders, it often looks like a warm welcome, and that helps to shift blame in the public eye from the harasser and onto his target, who’s failed to respond with the type of masculine bravado that men more easily recognize.”—Why it’s so hard for men to see misogyny (via mrjesseeisenberg)
“Men who are progressive, profeminist, or allies to women — we have to constantly check ourselves. We have to be open and listen to women and sometimes respond by taking a backseat and not encroaching on female space in ways that are kind of natural to us. It’s so integrated into who we are as men: to take center stage, to lead, to be out front, to not really understand the power dynamic that’s at play. I think it’s really important for all of us men who are progressive and who are working to eradicate sexism and all the other social ills out there to be a lot more cognizant of our presence in these circles and spaces.”—Byron Hurt in an interview with Bitch Magazine being an actual ally (via misandry-mermaid)
“Protesters waved “Return to Sender” signs, shoved a group of mariachi musicians and waited for a bus of immigrant children that the local sheriff told them would arrive. At one point, they briefly halted a bus before realizing it was carrying children from a YMCA.”—
“Those seething with so much rage and xenophobia that they’d hurl ugly epithets in the faces of children fleeing bloody violence in Central America bring shame to the whole nation. But the response of mainstream America hasn’t been much better. The media’s characterization of what’s going on at our southern border as a “crisis,” politicians pointing fingers at one another and Washington’s refusal to provide the resources necessary to care for a small wave of refugees — not to mention the bipartisan push to send them back home — is just as shameful when one considers the context.In June, the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) reported that in 2013, the global population of refugees from war and persecution hit 51.2 million — exceeding 50 million for the first time since World War II.Half of them were children.The vast majority were “internally displaced persons,” homeless people within their home countries. Many live in fetid refugee camps run by underfunded NGOs, where they face continuing privation and abuse.”—
It would be great if my fellow Americans could see the humanity in these children who are trying to find safety and refuge in a country that, until recently, was a reliable beacon of hope for the world.
Ungggh, this is so good. Bless you, Rebecca Traister. <3
I wish it were different. I wish that every woman whose actions and worth are parsed and restricted, congratulated and condemned in this country might just once get to wheel around—on the committee that doesn’t believe their medically corroborated story of assault, or on the protesters who tell them that termination is a sin they will regret, or on the boss who tells them he doesn’t believe in their sexual choices, or on the mid-fifties man who congratulates them, or himself, on finding them appealing deep into their dotage—and go black in the eyes and say, “I don’t fucking care if you like it.”
if i ever misgender you or use slang (bro, man, gurl, dude) that makes you feel even slightly uncomfortable please tell me because your gender identity and comfort is more important than any word i may use to refer to you